Unsticking the gears
I’m glad I summoned up the resolve to post that last entry, despite the fairly grumpy tone. At least it’s getting my mental gears moving in the right direction again.
Current mood: improving. Tomorrow– I’m guessing it’ll be too late tonight; I’m meeting up with some friends in an hour or so– I’ll jot down another entry and take stock.
The thing that bums me out is that I feel like any update I write at the moment is going to contain a lot of “see last entry”s, “see next entry”s and “more of the same”s.
There *are* low-key things going on in my life– a lot of fun things, even– but mostly I’m just keeping myself occupied until the economy improves, my finances improve, and my savings account accumulates to an arbitrarily high number. To an outside observer it might appear that I’m just wasting my life away. But I see it differently.
One important thing to remember about me: I got where I am today by borrowing, and I don’t regret it. I borrowed to pay for my education and I borrowed to get my adult life started. Now I’m paying back. I’m happy to do it because– in case I’ve failed to mention in the last fifteen minutes or so– my life is pretty great right now. But paying back is also hard. It’s hard to stay on track when a lot of my energy is going towards honoring old debts instead of breaking new ground.
I keep reminding myself, though, that getting into debt was the correct move then and paying off that debt is the correct move now. I made a plan a couple of years ago, and its working, and I have total confidence that it’ll continue to work. It’s kind of boring to watch, though, so posting updates to this blog can be frustrating.
The silly things that I’m doing now– reading books, playing games, watching movies, messing about on websites– are mostly filler. My life is actually *about* something quite different.
I can *tell* folks what my life is about, but it’ll be much more convincing when I *show* them. And I’m not in a position to show anything yet. (I’ve been saying that for years, and yes, it’s still true.) And anyway, like I said, I have to get going… I’m headed over to Hunter & Mary’s tonight.
More soon.
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